Hair

Among users, hair loss is one of the most dreaded side effects of pumping your body full of hormones – which just shows how mind-numbingly vain you have to beto take them in the first place.

Brain

Essentially, steroids mess with your head, causing nausea, destroying brain cells and prompting violent mood swings. Some users have also reported suicidal tendencies.

Face

Acne is not particularly harmful (although we seem to remember that big spots really hurt), but it’s an unattractive side effect. Do you really want the hormones of a 15-year-old all over again?

Nose

White blood cell production drops, which weakens the immune system and makes users more susceptible to colds, flu and other infections.

Chest

Man-boobs. Enough said.

Heart

High blood pressure and heart disease are common side effects of almost every steroid.

Arms

Injecting steroids is even more dangerous than taking them orally. Needles carry the risk of hepatitis B and C and HIV, plus you also risk abscesses or infections in the muscle tissue.

Liver and kidneys

The effects of taking steroids are similar to a really heavy night on the sauce – your kidneys and liver are forced to work extra hard to flush the steroids through your system, leading to long-term organ damage and cancer.

Stomach

Vomiting is a common side effect – and for a user can be a sign that their liver is turning to mush. Water retention is another problem, and there’s little point building enormous muscles if you’re waddling around with a bloated pot belly.

Penis

Impotence. Not likely to go down well with women. Even those who find freakish muscles attractive.

Testicles

Steroids make your balls shrivel up and can leave users infertile. Possibly this serves them right.